Thursday, January 5, 2012


No. I am not the same math fanatic as my son. I wish!

I have been debating for about a year about writing this post but here it goes...

I feel like I have been living a parallel life to my family's since...well always.

I had my first kid when I was 30. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease when I was 29. So when my family started I was already sick.

"Sorry really shouldn't go camping with us. You haven't been healthy lately."

Umm..."but I really want to go."

"Bad idea."

"S**t! But I really want to go!"

So I didn't go.

Remicade put me into remission when I was 37.

For instance, even when we are on vacation I can't do all that I want to do. I got left here...

when we went to Cleveland while the boys explored the rest of the gardens. I guess we always knew there was something else wrong with me. Hey, at least it was a beautiful place to be left behind.

Then, at 43 I get diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis (in every joint, and most ligaments and muscles in my body).  Really?


I also have debilitating headaches. I've had those since I was a teen. They are probably migraines and I have yet to find the medication to work for me. It sucks!

There are so many times when the boys go to do stuff, in the house and out, without me because I'm not feeling well. I'm missing my life..and theirs. Everyone assumes I'm not coming with them or doing with them. I feel stupid when I do feel good and want to go with or do and I have to ask my own family if I can join them. I know I can but they don't expect it, so I do feel like I do have to ask if I can participate in my own life.

I want to be a work at home mom for the kids. Not because my body can't always hack It. By "It", I mean life in general.

I'm putting all of my confidence in this new medicine...Cimzia. I really hope it takes care of both of my immune diseases.

I hope it gives me back my life...Please!

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